New blog look?

Eh I kind of like it. I love the banner. That took longer to make than I'd expected for it to, but hey, it came out pretty nice, didn't it? That's a rhetorical question by the way, and so there's no need for you to answer. Unless of course you really do like it to. Then you can shower me with compliments. Haha, kidding, but yeah, I like it. I went all purple-y. But I like purple, yeah, don't you? Again, rhetorical. Purple wins. End of story.

Anyways I figure I might as well go ahead and play around with it. I dunno why but there's something about it that I just can't get right, something about it that's always a little off from what I had actually wanted. It doesn't look bad or anything like that, it just wasn't exactly what I'd been picturing. -sigh- Oh well. It's good enough at least. And it's not like I'm doing anything else at the moment but just sitting here anyways. I painted my fingernails black earlier today and my toenails are sparkly purple (Told you purple wins).

I've got an icy hot patch slapped on my back, because lets face it, back pain is a bitch - and yes, teenagers do get back pain, someone I was talking to the other day, an older lady, seemed surprised by this, and I was like "no shit, sherlock." Of course I didn't say that, I've got more respect for my elders - most of the time at least - but I was just shocked. That's like thinking that only old people have arthritis. That's just stupid - my cousin has it and she isn't even thirty yet. I mean, it's just stupid. Whatever.

I've actually managed to be eating properly the past few weeks and I'm glad of it, and i hope that I keep the streak up. Open house is on Monday, hurrah I guess. I have GOT to get out of that Gargoyle's math class or I'll die, I am NOT dealing with her two years in a row. And I want Honors US history so bad, dammit, I hope we can fix those two details, I mean, seriously. I've got a reeses and a kit kat with me right now, so yay for that. I wish light reflecting off my cell would stop playing tricks on me and making me think I have a text message, because that's getting old. I've finished my summer assignment but read no other books yet this summer, which makes me sad, because I was looking forward to that.

School starts Wednesday and then I'll be back to the monotonous routine of waking up in the mornings, heading to that god forsaken establishment, and then coming home, doing homework, and doing it all over again the next day. And then they wonder why some teens are miserable all the time. Whatever. I think today went well but could have been better. I want to have an amazing day. I really do. Without drama, without panic, even for a moment - I just want to have an amazing day. God, what I would give to have an amazing go at school this year - especially the first week though, dear God help me with the first week. I think if I can just get through that, I'll be setting myself up for a good year. I seriously think that I want to re-read the Harry Potter series from start to finish, for real. I'd have to go and find my copies of all the earlier books though, I think they're downstairs on the family shelves.

And this comes to mind immediately mostly because of the fact that ABC Family is showing their Harry Potter weekend thing that seems to crop up every few weeks or so - they're big on that, and I'm glad, I just wish they were a little more well spaced out? If that even makes any sense. God I've been sneezing a lot lately and I hope I don't have a cold. At the moment I just kind of want to breathe in the smell of menthol and just kind of hold it in my nostrils, rawr. And I keep listening to Freedom by George Michaels and Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears For Fears, and its like... woah. Blast from the past. And so I think that just about sums it up at the moment. Go me, haha.

- Georgiana. <3

There's glitter on my lips and it's fallen in my coffee

There's glitter on my lips and it's fallen in my coffee,
Red sparkles drifting about on a sea of melted toffee. ♥
What a productive morning.

Yeah that was my facebook status this morning, mostly because it was all true. I did a make up contest entry for GlamourDollEyes on YouTube. I love the way it turned out though, it's really big and loud and out there. In case you haven't noticed, I like big, loud and out there. It's inspired by Las Vegas - that's the theme at least, but mine personally is based on Phantom of the Opera and Casinos, just in general. I'm really proud of it, and even if I don't win the contest I'd love to hear people tell me what they thought of it.

Though I've been watching Natasha (Myeyeshadowisodd on YouTube) on her BlogTV, all afternoon, and she's totally trashed right now and it's kind of hilarious. She's adorable, and loud and out there. It's just funny xD Ah I should do this more often, it's genuinely amusing to me. And it makes me feel not half as paranoid all the effing time. :) Oh, wonderful.

- Georgiana <3

Scene Queens and Drama Kings

Decided to draw an alter-ego of sorts, I suppose you could say. Not much to it but torn leather, combat boots and explosives.

- Georgiana <3

HI VINNY.

Yes. Vinny. xD I've been informed that I need to give him his minute of fame because he is obviously "my favorite black person ever". That is all.

Who is the monster and who is the man?

I guess I just felt the need to write something, and I didn't really know what, or why for that matter. It's funny - should a writer have to know why the want to write something or should they just write it? And if they're just going to write it, does it really matter what they've written unless they had a reason for writing it? I guess my brain is just majorly working over time or something like that, because I just can't seem to catch a break. Like, at all. It feels like I'm about to totally swerve off of my train tracks or something like that, and there's no warning for when its going to happen...

Honestly I think I discovered something true about myself today, and I don't think that I like it. I don't think that I like it one bit: I'm scared of everything. Everything. The only difference being is that sometimes I have more control over my fear than I do at other times... unfortunately "other times" seem to be cropping up more and more and closer together than they used to when I was little... before i learned to be afraid of so many things. For instance, a few minutes ago it occurred to me: I'll be a junior this year, and though sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of excitement about this, there are other times where all I can feel is the utter terror of the idea. And then, in considering that I would be a junior, I realized that we were coming up on the year 2011. Which is only one year away from 2012. Now I try not to be superstitious about that kind of thing, but... I just can't help but be scared of the idea sometimes, you know? I guess in some part of everyone its just natural human instinct. I mean I know there have been 'prophecies' or whatever, time and time again, predicting the end of the world or whatever - I lived through whatever that thing in 1999 was? But I was too young to remember it, or fear it for that matter, I don't think I'd ever even heard of it until last year when mom told me about it. But I just can't shake that uneasy feeling... and I hate it. It stops me from doing so many things that I want to do, or at least try to do.

I went to Williamsburg with my family and I had a panic attack there. Why? I couldn't tell you. Because I wasn't home? I had people I knew there with me, people who loved and cared about me, and even then... even then I was panicked. And at the mall with my BFFL, even then, for a brief while, I got struck by a panic I couldn't place. And even sometimes like now, when I'm sitting in my room, I'll be at home, in a place I'm so familiar with, and even then there's no totally escaping it. I am so sick of it holding me back, but I just can't seem to do anything more about it - and trust me, dammit, have I tried.

And do you know, do you know what makes it worse? When I say I'm having a panic attack and people are just like "Calm down!" Well you know what, FUCK THAT. It doesn't work like that, not at all! If I had the ability to make myself be calm, trust me, I would be doing it already! I mean, who wants to feel that way? Its not like I have a choice in the matter or anything like that, and its not like I can just "calm down". People don't get that it seriously hurts... I become physically sick. I pass out sometimes. I just.. hate how people can't honestly take an emotional problem as something that can seriously make you sick. But you know what? I wouldn't, not for one day, honestly wish that kind of pain on someone. I wouldn't. Because it wouldn't be right, and I'd feel terrible knowing that I'd inflicted it on someone else. Do I want them to understand, yeah, fuck yeah, but I mean... that would just be terrible to suffer through. Trust me, I know.

And on another note: People who make decisions, and make choices, have to live with their consequences. So if you realize that, why do you keep trying to change it without changing a damn thing? Because it doesn't work that way. It goes one way, or it goes the other. It doesn't help to say you're sorry when you're not, because if you were honestly sorry you would feel like you'd made a mistake, and you'd change it. But you don't think you've made a mistake, and so it doesn't matter how much you miss me. It's not like you're sorry. Just because you're sad doesn't mean that you're sorry. And it doesn't mean that you've tried to fix a damn thing. You're theo ne at fault here, no one else, and to be honest the only reason no one has said a damn thing about it is because they're afraid of hurting someone's feelings - not necessarily yours. But in general, of ruining everything. Not like there's much left to ruin anyways, it's basically gone through the mill once or twice. But seriously, a wake up call is needed, and were it not for the sake of having to preserve feelings here, trust me, you would be getting one. This isn't me trying to be mean. But seriously? Seriously. Wake up. Hypocrisy doesn't flatter you, and excuses are getting old.

Georgiana <3

Polyvore attempt?!

So. I'm determined to get this to polyvore. Not really a post, but whatever.
So ignore this? Unless you like the adorable photo.

And the dearest love in all the world

I'll admit it. I want to ask you how you are. I'd like to make sure that you're okay, I really would... but I don't know how. How am I supposed to? I'm half-scared that you are, or will get, mad at me. I'm half scared that if I try to make you feel better, about whatever it is that's upsetting you, that I'll just make you more upset and that is the last thing that I want to do. Maybe it's fake to you, but you're wrong. It's sincere, just uncertain. But that doesn't make it insincere. I hope you do feel better.

- Georgiana <3.